Tomorrow is my last day at this job, and I’m surprised to say I’m very ambivalent about leaving.  I thought that I would have strong feelings one way or the other, and not be decidedly torn on the decision.  On one hand I love the autonomy and independence I get to enjoy being employed, and let’s not even go there with the fact that I get to talk to REAL. LIVE. HUMAN. ADULTS. every day.  That said, I’m also pretty stoked about having an open-ended schedule and a whole summer to spend with my kids before both are in grade school full-time.

But now that it’s clear I’ll be home with the kids this summer, I’m not ready to jump right back in to my role as SAHM. I’m easing into it – after all, my now 5- and 7-year-olds are completely different kids than they were a year ago when I started working.  Recently (or maybe not and I just have noticed) they have begun to complain constantly and never about the same thing at the same time.  This means that when my oldest is whining that he wants to go home, my youngest is wailing about staying.  They attack me as a united front and when they really get going it’s like two octogenarians bitching in surround sound.  (Imagine Grumpy Old Men but with small children)

Even more surprising is that they’re, like, really grown up.  We have had a particularly rocky year with me working and none of us ever adjusted to me being out of the house all day.  Because of this it was like I was always putting out fires, and  I didn’t really notice how big and mature my kids have become. My approach to parenting will have to grow along with them.  My daughter used to be cool with a food bribe; now, apparently, she’s a burgeoning little mafiosa and requires not only food but ‘lots of monies’.  According to his ever-changing moods (imagine New England weather but worse) my son skipped some years from 6 to 16 and he is broody and emo so I’m thinking that dealing with him will take lots of patience and more than a little creativity.

Then there’s me:  My ego might need a little extra attention too during this transition.  Of the reasons I had to support going back to work last year, one of the biggest is that I’m just not wired to be a SAHM (imagine Mr. Mom but with an actual mom).  It was never a dream of mine to stay home and make cookies and read books and plan Pinterest-fueled daily activities – really just not m’thang.  Slipping back into an office environment was cathartic for me and allowed a sense of productivity that I didn’t feel by staying at home.

So I’m ready to take on this summer – good, bad, and ugly (imagine Rambo but instead of bullets I have Pinterest recipes)


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